**Before I wrote this, i questioned if i should. I don't
intend to be negative. I love living in Mexico. I would't trade it for the world.
But you know, im human. And maybe my experiences
will make someone else not feel ..... alone?**
I think that loneliness is maybe one of the biggest things missionaries face (maybe more so in the single missionaries). You tend to feel some sort of isolation and it is almost avoidable when you move away from your home country.
I think loneliness, at least for me, has phases. Each phase a little different.
--When you first get to a new country, unless you know the language... you don't understand the languages going on around you. It is a weird feeling. You can't, at some point, help but wonder WHAT you are doing there.
--There are times when you have friends from your new country, you still don't feel like you completely fit (Go figure right, my skin isn't even the right color... let alone my home culture). It doesn't matter how much you love to learn about the culture it is still different.
--There are times when you want nothing to eat EXCEPT something from a restaurant from your home town. But, i do have to admit, this doesn't happen often to me. Have you ever eaten Mexican food. SO good!
--There are times when you realize nearly every person around you is married. Are they still your friends? YES! But, you feel like you are interrupting their family time when you go over.
--The times when you go BACK to the country you are from and things are different. You still have the same friends... but your life has moved on and so has theirs.
I could go on... there are probably a million examples of time when you (or at least I have) feel a little lonely. My first two years, I was fortunate. I had a friend, an american friend. It was truly a gift from God that Tiffany and I got along so well. We did all ministry stuff together, were there for each other through the ups and downs, learned a lot about the culture together, traveled near and far together. A companion. We are still great friends but now (at least for now) we live in different countries.
Because I can speak the language (mostly), have a friends base here (i live in a great community of people), and I know how to get around... I know that I will be taken care of. I know if i have any issue any one of the ladies would drop everything to help me.
There are still times of feeling completely alone.
There is that
want to have someone who understands where you come from, the same stage of life, someone to share the experiences/travels with and someone who is navigating the culture with you. For most missionaries... thats a spouse. But for the single missionary... sometimes it is something that does not exist.
I really don't want to do three things.
1. down play the role of a single missionary. I can do SO much more then I would be able to do if I was married with a family.
2. I don't want you to think I (or single missionaries) am always lonely. Because the truth is that it does not hit me very often.
3. Or think I do not have people in my life, because I do. I am blessed with friends- near and far.
The last few weeks... I have felt lonely.
I rest on the fact that God is always with me. That He loves me, knows me, and hears the tears.
