I have been debating for a few days about if I should publish this blog post... but, then I thought, why not?
When I was in the US, people would ask me the same questions, even if I didn't even know them (actually, it is probably at least half the people). First they would ask, "How is Mexico?" then they would some how ask "So, are you still single?", "But why?" "Isn't there any cute Mexican men?" "Would you marry a local?"
At first these questions caught me off guard...."um, yes I am still single, and uhhhh I guess God just hasn't brought the right guy along". But then I started getting a little wittier with my answers (who me?).
Anyways, at first I thought they were more concerned about my love life and less about what God is doing in Mexico (and some of my friends are =0) ) but, i think some people just don't understand why someone would want to go to the field "alone". And I don't understand that sometimes too.
For the record, when you work on a team and live in a community like the one I live and work in--- you don't have to worry about be alone.
Some people think (and I have been told several times) that single women shouldn't be on the field, for various reasons. I have also been told "God will honor your commitment to Him and you will find a husband", "You have the gift of singleness" (GAG), "Its good to go on these adventures while your still single" "don't worry your young" and a whole host of other responses that are all meant to make me feel better (?).
The reality is that I learned at a very young age to be independent. Relentlessly independent. I never apologize for it. I am thankful that I know how to survive on my own. And while I have always been grateful for my independentness (new word!) I have always had the desire to get married and have a family. And it definitely was not my plan to be 30 and single.
I remember the first time I told God that if He wanted me to be single forever He needs to take that desire away from me. And then I am pretty sure I didn't breath for two minutes. ;0)
Anyways, 80% of the time, I am completely content with being single, at least for now. There are also some pretty great advantages of being single and on the mission field. I can do things at any time- any day of the week. I can drop what I am doing when someone needs something and only worry about leaving the dogs. I can be more flexible with my time, money and resources. I can travel easier and cheaper! And the list goes on and on and on
Of course there are times when I am lonely. I think loneliness is not a constant state of being, but more a feeling which comes in seasons and waves, sometimes worse than others-- at least for me. There are also time when I feel like it would be easier to do some things with a male partner.
I would also be lying if the idea of going "full time" and being on the mission field, as a single, doesn't scare me every once in a while. Sometimes I wonder if following God's calling on my life means I will never be a bride. But I then remember that God is bigger then my fears and the borders I cross.
I am grateful for the past experiences that I have had and the current situation that God has placed me in. I desire a husband in the future. If that is God's will that is great, if not, then I plan to be content in that too.