Everyone seemed to nod and go along with the plan. I sat there gnawing on my fingernails... scared. Methodically, they lifted each of us up and over the wall without any problem. But, that didn't seem to help my nerves. Then there were just three of us left.
They looked at me, I looked at them, they looked at me, I wanted to run away. The others who have already survived this trust exercise were cheering us on 'you can do it!!!' The two older guys stepped close to me and my heart was in my throat.
"So, we are just going to, kinda like, throw you over the top, ok"
"ya, you will make it, and the people at the top will catch you"
I looked up at the people who were suppose to catch me. One was leaning over the edge dangling his arms, two girls were talking... eeek.
"Yes, just do it" The boy was losing patience.
He took a step toward me and i was trembling.
"ok" i finally said.
"Good" the other boy said " this is about trusting your team"
I nodded and the boys hoisted me up over their shoulders and counted to three
I felt my body fly up and over the top of the wall and I watched the "catchers" part like the red sea! The wall seemed to just float by as i scrambled the grab on to something, anything. Then it was all over, I stared at my fingers desperately gripping the only thing from keeping me from falling eight feet to the other side... the safety rail.
"huh" one of the boys said "we thought you would be heavier then that'
I was pulled back up and i glared at the people on my "team". I remember thinking... do not trust people when you hear the words "toss you over the edge" or "we will catch you" again.
Isn't it interesting that one bad experience can shape the way you trust people. I have never been very good at trusting people (not just because of the wall experience, although i am sure that didn't help!).
I have come to the realization (a few years ago) that I can't completely trust others, until I trust and understand that God is really the thing holding my life in his hands. Sure people will hurt me or give me reasons to not trust them and that is part of life. But, God... He will never leave... He will never hurt me... He knows exactly what I need, when I need it. He LOVES me, unconditionally, and that will never, ever change.... even when people do.
Then there is forgiveness... but i am not going to even get started on that now ;)
Ya i know, this isn't a new thought. Just something I was thinking about this morning!
P.S for the record, I have done one of those walls again, several times!